What You See…

Perhaps the question is not what is wrong with you, rather why you are obsessively checking this space.

Is it that you want to be connected and this is how you connect to me now?

Are you holding onto this little bit of recent conversation after two months of no communication? Do you worry I will make everything posted here disappear again and I will go with it?

Is it like Columbus Day when you said you didn’t know why you took me sailing other than you wanted my attention? Are you looking for my attention now?

Is it your way of looking for more information? Answers? Insight?

These are questions I cannot answer for you. In one of your comments you said that you were on the back roads full of contemplation and questions. Were these questions for me? Questions for you? A little of both? If the first or the last, then perhaps I can provide answers to those questions.

For what it’s worth, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you coming here even if it is, in your opinion, obsessively. I will share this little fact: though I don’t publicly publish every blog post, lately I come write to you multiple times a day and then mark them as private. They’re messages to you, but for me. You were right (as you so frequently are): this is probably the best place for you to come to find out what my mental state is because this is where I write everything I’m feeling…the thing is that unless you are a blog administrator or you have my password, you see only a selection of messages and probably none of them reveal my most vulnerable and intimate thoughts.  Pay no attention to the woman behind the curtain…

I don’t know where your travels find you. I don’t know when or if we will sit down to talk. I do know that you have my phone number and email address and yet we are still communicating here. Why do you suppose that is?



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